After reading this interesting article in internet, I thought it will be useful to many of my readers. So, it is here.
About two and half years back, I wrote quite a controversial piece on marriages in India. The point I was trying to put across was, there are a few crucial things that you need to know about your partner before you get hitched, tie the knot, say ‘I do’… you know, the works.
In a country where arranged marriages are prevalent, how much does one really know about a prospective bride or groom before taking such a major decision? And keeping that in mind, love marriages are no better. I have heard of so many shocking stories about how new brides/husbands are jolted out of their happily-ever-afters, with revelations they never had a clue about; even if they have dated their husbands/wives, sometimes for years.
What is the solution to this problem? After interviewing many married couples, dating couples and singles at that time, I came up with 35 intimate questions you need to know about your would-be, before saying the all-important “yes”.
Now, make no mistake, I am not asking you to tie your would-be up in a chair, splash cold water over him/her and torture him/her until you get your answers. But, isn’t it always good to know as much as you can about who you are going to spend your life with, so that you don’t get rude shocks later in life?
How about if you can’t ask? Get someone close to you to find out. My only point is, find out now, before it is too late.
Here are some excerpts from that piece. I have picked 10 important things to know before saying ‘I do’. To read the entire story, click: 35 INTIMATE questions to ask your would-be!
For the sake of money:
By Kristina in Yahoo news
hvaidya said...
In a country where arranged marriages are prevalent, how much does one really know about a prospective bride or groom before taking such a major decision? And keeping that in mind, love marriages are no better. I have heard of so many shocking stories about how new brides/husbands are jolted out of their happily-ever-afters, with revelations they never had a clue about; even if they have dated their husbands/wives, sometimes for years.
What is the solution to this problem? After interviewing many married couples, dating couples and singles at that time, I came up with 35 intimate questions you need to know about your would-be, before saying the all-important “yes”.
Now, make no mistake, I am not asking you to tie your would-be up in a chair, splash cold water over him/her and torture him/her until you get your answers. But, isn’t it always good to know as much as you can about who you are going to spend your life with, so that you don’t get rude shocks later in life?
How about if you can’t ask? Get someone close to you to find out. My only point is, find out now, before it is too late.
Here are some excerpts from that piece. I have picked 10 important things to know before saying ‘I do’. To read the entire story, click: 35 INTIMATE questions to ask your would-be!
For the sake of money:
1. What is his/her monthly in-hand income?Okay so far? Moving on. What about the following career issues?
2. Any personal loans that he/she is paying off?
3. On a home loan? How many more years does he/she have to pay off the installments?
4. Is he/she okay if you have a separate bank account?
5. How many jobs has he/she switched till date? Any particular reasons for doing so?Now comes the tricky part. Could these health queries make or break a marriage?
6. If he/she gets a job overseas, will he/she take it? What if it doesn’t offer a family status?
7. Will he/she take an HIV test with your family doctor?… and these behavioural pointers:
8. Does he/she get violent when angry?Here’s another tricky part, sexual preferences. Not THAT necessary, but useful, nonetheless:
9. Is he/she into deviant sexual practices?And last but not the least, these social queries will give you a better idea about your future life with him/her:
10. Are the both of you going to live with the parents or separately?As a footnote, I would like to add, I had written this piece on a site dedicated to women; so it is like a finger pointed at men/prospective grooms. But in this day and age, it is imperative for both prospective partners to know as much as they can about their partners.
By Kristina in Yahoo news
- Saras said...
- It is absolutely essential to know in detail about each other before getting into the Bond of Marriage as it could be the foundation for the Edifice of Happy Matrimony. I agree with the Author.
- Anonymous said...
- Yes. In the current scenario where both girl and boy earn or have to earn these questions are a must and one need not feely shy,or shocked as answers to these will pave way for a smooth life without misunderstanding. Also now a days girls earn more than the boys which is also one of the reason for the delayed marriage of either boys or girls, the delayed marriage causing problems in the later years.
- Anonymous said...
- I though this interesting information got from viewing a prog. called Raja Neram in Jaya Plus beamed every day between 6.30 to 7 PM. This purely on astrology and planetary position queries being answered. During an interlude the presenter made a very curious observation regarding love marriage and astrology.He presented case of a love marriage. An extremely beautiful girl was loved by a boy and both got married. Sometimes after marriage and sexual consummation the girl lost her beauty, became leaner and contracted some disease which led her almost to her death.This, the presenter, said happened in Tuticorin. The parents of the girl came to this astrolger who after casting and analysing horoscope opined there was no 'Rajju' porutham among them and consequent on the sexual consummation the girl contracted allergy and became sick.Here he was emphasising that 'Rajju' should not be ignored and he this was among other things which resulted in love marriages going wary. After all our forefathers,perhaps, were not fools.
Harisankar said...- too complicated algorithm for the problem. this is simpler solution. While (you are not married && you want to get married) { if ( you are a boy ) { //you look for a girl to get //married to!! let your mother talk to the prospective girl first; you talk to the girl; } else { //a girl looks for a groom!! let your dad talk to the boy first; you talk to the boy; } }//while this algorithm should eliminate 98% of all the problems. exit loop when you are happy.
- Anonymous said...
- While the questions are logical, the problem is, most guys/gals in love will NOT care about the answer to most of the questions above! It's only after a bit of time, they start lamenting about the answers to these questions, in later point of life!
hvaidya said...The purpose of publishing this, is that they should not be careless and emotional.
January 6, 2011 10:28 PM
- Anonymous said...
- Apart from what is said and done, one more important question or rather clarification is regarding the girl's mensuration cycle and a 'all clear' medical report from the authorised doctor so that you do not end up visiting the doctor for treatment with the current gen's late marriages. For the boy, all clear for teetotaller.
- Anonymous said...
- All I can say now is, I wish I had read your post before I said the life-menacing "Yes" :(
-
Anonymous said... - I appreciate the time and effort that was taken in preparing this questionnaire. But life does not work that way. Especially with regard to marriages in India (Arranged marriages) work totally by trust on our parents and trust in the divine. We can always be certain that our parents will not choose something lesser than the best for us. You might want to think again before you post such questionnaires online - so that they don't misguide youngsters and those in the threshold of marriage. Thanks!
hvaidya said...- I do not think what I post here are gospel or Geetha. Nobody is going to take this posting as granted. It is only a guideline. There is nothing to misguide. I WONDER, YOU STILL BELIEVE THAT THE MARRIAGES ARE FIXED BY PARENTS (ARRANGED MARRIAGES), EVEN NOW. Do you know one thing? This subject is in top of the "POPULAR POST" list for the past one year
Anonymous said...25 yrs back my father , while hunting for a groom for me, my fathaer asked a bommbay based groom's father if he had accomaodation in Bombay-knowing very well the difficulties of renting/buying flat in Bombay, having lived there for 23 yrs himself.The 'boy''s father didn't like this questioning and stopped corresponding -this even after my father had not bothered to ask even more delicate questions about the boy's looks, habbits, financial status etc........
Can't imagine a probable bride's father throwing up a list of questions like the one given by you here......EVEN THOUGH I DO AGREE ALL OF THEM MAKE PRACTICAL SENSE.
This is the flaw in arranged marrainge.....we have to know all these through reliable sources only
Can't imagine a probable bride's father throwing up a list of questions like the one given by you here......EVEN THOUGH I DO AGREE ALL OF THEM MAKE PRACTICAL SENSE.
This is the flaw in arranged marrainge.....we have to know all these through reliable sources only
