For youths and middle aged too

All those little white lies!

Day after day, men and women tell lies to each other, sometimes deliberately, sometimes unwittingly. There’s a reason behind the pile of untruths, says Sheila Kumar

Photo: AFP

Face off? It could be avoided by telling harmless lies

No one wants to tell lies, we promise you that. Sometimes, it is to cover up an error, at other times, to spare someone from getting hurt. What we are dealing with, here, is the province of lies that attempts to bridge a yawning gap between men and women. Small, stupid lies that actually are so flimsy, they don’t work in the least. However, we persist with them.

Here’s a collection of the lies most men resort to, time and again.

No, you don’t look fat in that outfit. Actually, you know you do, he thinks so, too. But he knows it is better not to tell the truth at such times. Which leaves it to women to either challenge the statement or accept it with good grace.

I’m sorry. We are not saying he isn’t sorry for whatever hurt he has caused you. The point is men and dogs share a very short term memory. So, most of the time, he is utterly clueless about what it is he is supposed to have done that has you so irritated/annoyed or furious. Some wise man told him long ago that it’s best to say ‘sorry’ and keep saying ‘sorry,’ till the atmosphere rights itself.

I was just joking. Believe us when we tell you that whatever it is he said to you a moment ago, at which you have taken such severe umbrage, was said in right earnest. In other words, he meant it. He was not joking. Being no one’s fool, the moment the words were uttered, the moment a telling expression crossed your face, he realised, to his dismay, that the situation needs quick salvaging. Hence the claim that he was joking.

Yes, your best friend is nice/intelligent. Actually, he doesn’t like her. He feels just that bit threatened by her, since she shares such a close relationship with you and what’s worse (for him), she was on the scene years before he made his appearance. However, our man knows better than to let on his antagonism towards her, which will earn him endless lectures, if not worse, from you. Best to pretend, then.

Of course your job matters. This one is a bad one but we have to tell it like it is. Most men are so self-absorbed, they don’t factor in just how much your job means to you. Call it male chauvinism, call it selfishness, call it a blinkered vision but their work world revolves around their jobs, their tiffs with the boss, their raises and promotions or lack thereof. Yes, of course, you have a job. It’s something that keeps you occupied.

Now before men start to protest that we are indulging in some deep-rooted prejudices against them, let’s right the balance, shall we? What’s sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose, too, and there are a few stand-by lies that women invariably fall back on, to save face, save a situation, get them out of a sticky problem. Lies like…

Your friends are a nice lot. Actually, she has never seen a bigger bunch of boors, slobs and ill-mannered dolts. It is her one-point-programme to wean you away from these school and college mates of yours. But she is subtle, see?

You really showed your boss. When she heard just how you reacted to a telling off from your boss, just what you said in response, her heart sank. Because she is a woman of great tact and would have handled the situation better, leaving the boss with the feeling that here is someone who takes constructive criticism well, and who will move up in the organisation. Which in all probability, is not how your boss is feeling right now.

I admire your money management skills. Truth to tell, she can teach you a thing or two about budgeting. Only, you have never realised or acknowledged that skill in her, so she prefers to run the household, see to the extras for kids and holidays, and also save for the proverbial rainy day, all quietly, without fanfare. It is the same way she gently turns your attention away from the impulsive buy you are about to splurge on.

No, I don’t want you to change. No, she doesn’t want you to change…much. She just wants you to acquire a better sense of style, better manners, a more caring attitude and some culinary skills. And while you are at it, if you could change your kith and kin for a better lot, she would only be too happy!

I was just joking. Whatever it is she said to you a moment ago, about which you are so offended, was said in right earnest. In other words, she meant it. She was not joking. Of course, the moment the words were uttered, the moment she saw the expression on your face, she realised some quick wordplay was needed, to save the situation. Hence the claim that she was joking.

Courtesy "The Hindu" Metro plus 8th July 2008

For those who avoid children

Only those who have not heard and enjoyed their children's prattle, will say that the flute and Violin are sweet Thirukkural Baby's smile gives mum a 'natural high'

London: If mums want to experience a natural ‘high’ then all they need to do is take a look at their baby’s smile, say researchers. According to boffins, the sight of their baby smiling works by triggering 'feel-good' part of the brain that deals with sensations of reward and pleasure. As a part of the study, researchers from Texas Children's Hospital 28 first-time mums, with babies between the ages of five to 10 months, to the test. The mothers underwent a MRI brain scan while looking at pictures of their own babies and also other infants. Researchers noted that when the mums looked at the infants’ faces, the scanner showed the flow of blood in their brains and revealed the regions that were the most active at any time. What was interesting was that as soon as the mothers identified their own baby, the areas of the brain associated with 'reward' went on alert and the brain chemical dopamine, important for learning, motivating, sleeping and controlling movement, became active. The strength of the reaction depended on the babies’ expression, with a smiling face triggering the biggest reaction, reports the Telegraph. Lead author of the study Dr Lane Strathearn said: "These are the areas that have been activated in other experiments associated with the neurotransmitter dopamine. "It may be that seeing your own baby's smiling face is like a natural high," he added. The findings are published in the American medical journal Pediatrics.  Anonymous said... Only those who have not heard and enjoyed their children's prattle, will say that the flute and Violin are sweet Thirukkural ???? On the lighter side the rest might have gone deaf with the prattles :)) May 14, 2011 3:35 PM

Love as per whose terms?

My wife called, 'How long will you be with that newspaper?
Will you come here and make your darling daughter eat her food? 'I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter Sindu looked frightened.

Tears were welling up in her eyes. In front of her was a bowl filled to its brim with Curd Rice. Sindu is a nice child, quite intelligent for her age. She has just turned eight. She particularly detested Curd Rice. My mother and my wife are orthodox, and believefirmly in the 'cooling effects' of Curd Rice! I cleared my throat, and picked up the bowl. 'Sindu, darling,why don't you take a few mouthful of this Curd Rice? Just for Dad's sake, dear.

Sindu softened a bit, and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. 'OK, Dad. I will eat - not just a few mouthfuls, but the whole lot of this. But, you should...' Sindu hesitated. 'Dad, if I eat this entire curd Rice, will you give me whatever I ask for?'........ ....Oh sure,darling'.... 'Promise? '........ .........

'Promise'. I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine, and clinched the deal. 'Ask Mom also to give a similar promise', my daughter insisted. My wife put her hand on Sindu's, muttering 'Promise'. Now I became a bit anxious. 'Sindu dear, you shouldn't insist on getting a computer or any such expensive items. Dad does not have that kind of money right now. OK?'

'No, Dad. I do not want anything expensive'. Slowly and painfully, she finished eating the whole quantity. I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child eat something that she detested. After the ordeal was through, Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with expectation. All our attention was on her............

'Dad, I want to have my head shaved off, this Sunday!' was her demand.

'Atrocious!' shouted my wife, 'A girl child having her head shaved off? Impossible!' 'Never in our family!' my mother rasped. She has been watching too much of television. Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV programs!'

Sindu darling, why don't you ask for something else? We will be sad seeing you with a clean-shaven head.'
'No, Dad. I do not want anything else', Sindu said with finality. 'Please, Sindu, why don't you try to understand our feelings?' I tried to plead with her.

'Dad, you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice'. Sindu was in tears. 'And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for.

Now, you are going back on your words. Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra, and its moral that we should honor our promises no matter what?'

It was time for me to call the shots. 'Our promise must be kept.'' Are you out your mind?' chorused my mother and wife.

'No. If we go back on our promises, she will never learn to honor her own. Sindu, your wish will be fulfilled.' With her head clean-shaven, Sindu had a round-face, and hereyes looked big and beautiful.

On Monday morning, I dropped her at her school. It was a sight to watch my hairless Sindu walking towards her classroom. She turned around and waved. I waved back with a smile.

Just then, a boy alighted from a car, and shouted, 'Sinduja, please wait for me!'

What struck me was the hairless head of that boy. 'May be, that is the in-stuff', I thought.

'Sir, your daughter Sinduja is great indeed!' Without introducing herself, a lady got out of the car, and continued,' That boy who is walking along with your daughter is my son Harish. He is suffering from... ... leukemia.' She paused to muffle her sobs. Harish could not attend the school for the whole of the last month. He lost all his hair due to the side effects of the chemotherapy. He refused to come back to school fearing the unintentional but cruel teasing of the schoolmates. 'Sinduja visited him last week, and promised him that she will take care of the teasing issue.

But, I never imagined she would sacrifice her lovely hair for the sake of my son!
Sir, you and your wife are blessed to have such a noble soul as your daughter.'

I stood transfixed. And then, I wept. 'My little Angel, you are teaching me how self-less real love is!'

*The happiest people on this planet are not those who live on their own terms but are those who change their terms for the ones whom they love ..*

Love Touch And Inspire your FRIENDS

"The life is short, the vanities of world are transient but they alone live who live for others; the rest are more dead than alive."

Pravinder and Habib

Parvinder and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London.

Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Habib says to Parvinder 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'

Parvinder says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?

Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.

Parvinder says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3

Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'?

Parvinder shows Habib his sign....

It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan'.

What do they expect of you and what age?

Men! Beware!!
1. Handsome
2. Charming

3.Financially
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape

7. Dresses with style
8.Appreciates finer things

9. Full of thoughtful surprises.
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)


1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 82)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

When many ask me "why do you do it?"

Discover Your Reason for Being

What are your greatest gifts? How can you best serve mankind? These are questions you must answer to find your true purpose in life.

Who am I?

What am I meant to do here?

What am I trying to do with my life?

These are powerful questions that can be difficult to answer. They sometimes surface during major life transitions such as family strife, job loss, spiritual awakenings, or the death of a loved one.

I feel fortunate to have found my purpose in life. I have that reason to get up in the morning and it fuels my passion. In one of the greatest compliments I ever received, someone said to me, “Hari, when you speak you’ve been blessed with the ability to connect with others…soul to soul.” I thought about those words and have chosen to shape my life around that gift. My purpose through speaking and writing is to “bring ideas to life” that will encourage and motivate people.

Every person is a unique being. There is only one of you in the universe. You have many obvious gifts and other gifts still waiting to be discovered.

I truly believe, however, that one of the most important questions you can ask yourself in your journey to find your purpose is, “How can I serve others?” Albert Schweitzer said it well: “I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.”

A person's Character

A man's character is his fate." - Heraclitus (c. 540 - c. 480 BC) - Greek
philosopher

No amount of books and no amount of diplomas can produce integrity.
Integrity is not something that can be achieved in school, regardless of the
school's fame. But it is integrity that we need the most - especially in
positions of great responsibility.

Here are two real-life stories that I think is a must-read for all of us.
It's a little long but it's worth it.

*The First Story*

Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Al Capone wasn't famous
for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in
everything from bootlegged booze to murder. Capone had a lawyer nicknamed
"Easy Eddie." He was his lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In
fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long
time.

To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money
big, but also Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family
occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences
of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City
block. Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little
consideration to the atrocity that went on around him.

Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly.
Eddie saw to it that his young son had the best of everything: clothes, cars
and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. And,
despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him
right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was.

Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't
give his son; he couldn't pass on a good name and a good example. One day,
Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs
he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth
about Al "Scarface" Capone, clean up his tarnished name and offer his son
some semblance of integrity.

To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the
cost would be great. So, he testified. Within the year, Easy Eddie's life
ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street, but not before he
finally passed on a good name to his son.



*The Second Story*

World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander
Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier
Lexington in the South Pacific. One day his entire squadron was sent on a
mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized
that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank He would not have enough
fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader
told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation
and headed back to the fleet.

As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned his
blood cold, a squadron of Japanese aircraft were speeding their way toward
the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the
fleet was all but defenseless He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them
back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the
approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert
them from the fleet.

Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of
Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in,
attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out
of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until
all his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault.
He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as
many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly. Finally, the
exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.

Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the
carrier. Upon arrival he reported in and related the event surrounding His
return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It
showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet He had in
fact destroyed five enemy aircraft.

This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became The
Navy's first Ace of World War II, and the first Naval aviator to win the
Congressional Medal of Honor. A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat
at the age of 29. His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II
hero to fade, and today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to
the courage of this great man.

So the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some
thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of
Honor. It's located between Terminals 1 and 2.
.

So, what do these two stories have to do with each other? ……Butch O'Hare was
Easy Eddie's son.

Live like Bamboo

One of my fondest memories as a child is going by the river and sitting idly on the bank.

There I would enjoy the peace and quiet, watch the water rush downstream, and listen to the chirps of birds and the rustling of leaves in the trees. I would also watch the bamboo trees bend under pressure from the wind and watch them return gracefully to their upright or original position after the wind had died down.

When I think about the bamboo tree's ability to bounce back or return to it's original position, the word resilience comes to mind. When used in reference to a person this word means the ability to readily recover from shock, depression or any other situation that stretches the limits of a person's emotions.

Have you ever felt like you are about to snap? Have you ever felt like you are at your breaking point?

Thankfully, you have survived the experience to live to talk about it.

During the experience you probably felt a mix of emotions that threatened your health. You felt emotionally drained, mentally exhausted and you most likely endured unpleasant physical symptoms.

Life is a mixture of good times and bad times, happy moments and unhappy moments. The next time you are experiencing one of those bad times or unhappy moments that take you close to your breaking point, bend but don't break. Try your best not to let the situation get the best of you.

A measure of hope will take you through the unpleasant ordeal. With hope for a better tomorrow or a better situation, things may not be as bad as they seem to be. The unpleasant ordeal may be easier to deal with if the end result is worth having.

If the going gets tough and you are at your breaking point, show resilience.

Like the bamboo tree, bend, but don't break.

Between You and God

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see...in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

My mother also lied

The person who send me this mail was reminded of his father.

This story begins when I was a child: I was born poor. Often we hadn't enough to eat. Whenever we had some food, Mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was transferring her rice into my bowl, she would say 'Eat this rice, son! I'm not hungry.'
This was Mother's First Lie.

As I grew, Mother gave up her spare time to fish in a river near our house; she hoped that from the fish she caught, she could give me a little bit more nutritious food for my growth. Once she had caught just two fish, she would make fish soup. While I was eating the soup, mother would sit beside me and eat what was still left on the bone of the fish I had eaten; My heart was touched when I saw it. Once I gave the other fish to her on my chopstick but she immediately refused it and said, 'Eat this fish, son! I don't really like fish.'
This was Mother's second lie.


Then, in order to fund my education, Mother went to a Match Factory to bring home some used matchboxes which she filled with fresh matchsticks. This helped her get some money to cover our needs. One wintry night I awoke to find Mother filling the matchboxes by candlelight. So I said, 'Mother, go to sleep; it's late: you can continue working tomorrow morning.' Mother smiled and said 'Go to sleep, son! I'm not tired.'
This was Mother's Third Lie.

When I had to sit my Final Examination, Mother accompanied me. After dawn, Mother waited for me for hours in the heat of the sun. When the bell rang, I ran to meet her. Mother embraced me and poured me a glass of tea that she had prepared in a thermos. The tea was not as strong as my Mother's love, Seeing Mother covered with perspiration; I at once gave her my glass and asked her to drink too. Mother said 'Drink, son! I'm not thirsty!
This was Mother's Fourth Lie.

After Father's death, Mother had to play the role of a single parent. She held on to her former job; she had to fund our needs alone. Our family's life was more complicated. We suffered from starvation. Seeing our family's condition worsening, my kind Uncle who lived near my house came to help us solve our problems big and small. Our other neighbors saw that we were poverty stricken so they often advised my mother to marry again. But Mother refused to remarry saying 'I don't need love.'
This was Mother's Fifth Lie.

After I had finished my studies and gotten a job, it was time for my old Mother to retire but she carried on going to the market every morning just to sell a few vegetables. I kept sending her money but she was steadfast and even sent the money back to me. She said, 'I have enough money.'
That was Mother's Sixth Lie.

I continued my part-time studies for my Master's Degree. Funded by the American Corporation for which I worked, I succeeded in my studies. With a big jump in my salary, I decided to bring Mother to enjoy life in America but Mother didn't want to bother her son; she said to me 'I'm not used to high living.'
That was Mother's Seventh Lie.

In her dotage, Mother was attacked by cancer and had to be hospitalized. Now living far across the ocean, I went home to visit Mother who was bedridden after an operation. Mother tried to smile but I was heartbroken because she was so thin and feeble but Mother said, 'Don't cry, son! I'm not in pain.'
That was Mother's Eighth Lie.

Telling me this, her eighth lie, she died.
YES, MOTHER WAS AN ANGEL!

M - O - T - H - E - R
'M' is for the Million things she gave me, 'O' means Only that she's growing old, 'T' is for the Tears she shed to save me, 'H' is for her Heart of gold, 'E' is for her Eyes with love-light shining in them, 'R' means Right, and right she'll always be, Put them all together, they spell 'MOTHER' a word that means the world to me. For those of you who are lucky to be still blessed with your Mom's presence on Earth, this story is beautiful. For those who aren't so blessed, this is even more beautiful.